Death and Taxes

I say "death and taxes" in the interest of not titling this post simply "Where I am in my life as of April 8th, 2015."

But the reality is that we filed our taxes weeks ago and have already had our returns deposited, which is lovely and helpful. So I have no new news on the taxes front.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said regarding death. Thursday the 2nd, our little green parakeet Einstein, whom we'd had for about ten years and who must have been at least 12, gave up the ghost. Einstein may never have learned to speak, but he could imitate his cage-mate the zebra finch (Henry VIII) so well we could not tell them apart. The spunky Henry continues to live on alone, having only spent part of Friday calling out for Einstein before giving up and lapsing into only his usual chirps and four-note calls in response to the microwave, dishes clattering or the vacuum cleaner.

On a more somber note, a colleague's mother just passed away after an alarmingly swift decline from a diagnosis of the reemergence of cancer. The colleague was very close to her mom, whom she called her "rock," and no doubt this will be a very difficult time for her. It brings back memories of losing my own mom, of course. April really can be the cruelest month in so many ways.

I am away from work for a few days while S. is on Spring break, and although any grand plans to travel to Monterey did not manifest themselves completely for a number of reasons, I have high hopes to do some good organizing of my office and weeding. Lots of excess to get rid of in both house and yard. (This is not to mention the excess I still would like to get rid of in body - healthy eating habits continue to be a challenge for me. Same old same old, but there is continued hope for change as other areas of my life are put in order and I feel less "out of control.")

S. had her first voice lesson in the city last Saturday, from a young coloratura soprano who (for all her youth) is really on her game and serious about singing. The location was easy enough to get to, on Masonic near USF She was charming and she and S. seemed to hit it off. It seems to be a good fit, and we'll continue to see her for lessons, remaining hopeful that she will, in fact, move to P-town as she said she may. When S. left the lesson, she said to the instructor, "I just have to tell you that this has literally been a dream come true for me." The girls agree that just to have the opportunity to sing on a Saturday is great; making it big is not the only goal; enjoying the process is its own success.

Happy (or Not) National Poetry Month 2015

You can learn more about National Poetry Month at this FAQ.

Here is the poster image for the year:

I wish I could say that I am as happy as this poster suggests, but the reality is that because CNN visited our work today to film a segment, I just went to the CNN web site for the first time ever to try to find the story. And while I couldn't track down the link, I did see all the other headlines, and it just made me feel so very, very sad and helpless about the state of the world. Even the "good" stories are sensationalist and emotionally manipulative. If I had to view life through the lens of CNN, I would likely just give up. Who watches those stories and reads those articles?

I have made a note to myself to not do that again.

And yet, denial never solved anything.

It may simply be that this evening all I have the strength to do is focus on what I do have power over: my attitude, my actions. Writing something. Drinking some water. Getting some sleep.

It feels like holding a mostly-empty bic lighter in a hurricane. But it may also be what tides me over until morning and (perhaps) the rebirth of hope.

Reading and writing poetry just might help too.