An online journal and home for other scribblings. No promises of either profundity or profanity, no guarantee of grammatical correctness. Just me, as I am, at the moment.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
First Welsh Weekend
Thursday, July 25, 2013
The Beginning
[tried to upload a picture of the view on the approach to Atlanta, but the wifi connection is not cooperating yet!]
Hello from SFO
Well, I'm at the airport. But surrounded by fellow travelers who are equally excited about this journey to Wales. And at the risk of seeming antisocial, I'm just posting this quick entry that the trip has begun! More soon...
Thursday, July 18, 2013
testing...testing..
Hooray!
Sunday, July 07, 2013
Active Tense
Today started early, with a walk to a chicken-sitting gig, where I let the 10 gals out of their henhouse for the day, watered Paige's exquisite garden, and took care of the three kitties and angelfish. The owners returned this afternoon, so I won't be back until they next time they go on vacation (September?), but I always enjoy the time alone doing domestic chores away from my own home. What's that all about? If only I felt the same peace in my own home, where I am too judgmental about what I haven't yet done. At least, I suppose that's what's going on.
Later in the morning, I went to the home of one of Petaluma's Poet Laureates (once a Poet Laureate, always a Poet Laureate, right?). Terry also happens to be the leader of our upcoming Poets' trip to Wales, and she's building a lovely herb spiral, inspired by spirals she'd seen during previous trips to Ireland. It was a work party-cum-BBQ and a great chance to spend a little more time with her and a couple other fellow travelers.
I'm now officially "SUPER EXCITED" about the trip. I haven't done much on the revise-the-novel front, although I have been working on poetry and will be sending some things off in the next couple of days for a competition. Such things keep me motivated. Or (as is now the case) re-inspire me. And writing a blog entry two days in a row is fairly remarkable, if I do say so myself.
21 days to form a habit? How many days to format the habit of a lifetime of daily writing? The answer? All of them. "Write all the days!" as the family might say, much as one says, "Eat all the cake!"
And maybe this is what my new poet friends & I will look like while staying in Wales:

Saturday, July 06, 2013
Half the Fun
So as I prepare to travel for a 2+ week long trip (writing! with other poets! in Wales!), I'm thoroughly enjoying the preparation stage of things. And, because I am focusing more on my writing, I'm starting here with at least a brief update and mention of the trip, and to state my intention to blog more while away, although internet access will be challenging at best. Pob hwyl!
Saturday, April 06, 2013
Achievement Unlocked

Or so goes the gaming phrase, according to D.
I could say "mission accomplished" but really it's more of a goal than a mission, or more of a small but very significant step towards accomplishment of the greater mission.
At least I have a sense of how it (probably) ends. I have something of a story arc, something of an idea of where Point B is and how to get there from Point A. I have the roughest golem.
And now the real work begins. Fortunately, I have always liked the editing, shaping, fixing part of writing. This might be the reason behind multiple, multiple drafts of even the shortest poems.
So I'm excited about breathing real life into this book now, and making it something better. But ask me again in two months if I'm enjoying the re-write clean up polish as much as I think I will now.
Pointy Pal Julia threatened to share the news with Suzanne if I didn't first, and so here you go. A post to declare that setting my own deadline and daring myself to get something done seems to have worked.
The new goal: a mostly-completed draft by end of July that can be further improved by a trip to Wales. Then let's see if anyone out there is interested in this little creation. Let's see if it has any worth.
The above shot is a view of the town where the story is set (from http://www.aberystwyth.com/):
Monday, March 04, 2013
One Day at a Time
The protagonist is re-assessing all of her recent major life-changing decisions and second-guessing herself (write what you know). No, actually, she's more confused than I am - but then again, I have not had a scheming novelist throwing a bunch of stuff at me all at once to make things interesting. Note: this is not meant to be a fate-tempting statement! I am knocking on wood with my left hand and typing this single-handedly with my right.
Today I started the day writing a draft of a poem, but have not (yet) looked at the novel. However, the girls have just gone to bed for the night & D. is not yet due home for a while, and the glass of wine and red couch by the wood-burning stove beckons. So I am grateful for the poem draft and the blog post and being caught up in most of my personal email. For now.
Saturday, March 02, 2013
A Novel Idea
This is a lazy alternative to writing my goal and deadline on a 3x5 card and reading it every day, as any self-respecting self-help author would advise. But actually, I plan to do both. I just have to scratch out the current date on my "I will finish the rough draft of my novel by" card and put a new date in. How about March 31st? March 31st sounds good to me. Besides being the birthday of D's sister and my birth father, it's Easter. A holiday of hope, and the eve of National Poetry Month (the other project I have my sights on is assembling a book-length collection of poetry).
So even though there may be no one but me reading this blog at this point: There. I've put it in writing. "So say we all!"
Friday, March 01, 2013
St. David's Day 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Any Day that Starts With Writing is a Good Day
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Ash Wednesday, Valentine's Eve
This is the time of year when I reawaken with the daffodils and focus on writing and on the self-examination and internal life that are a part of that activity.
I am (again) back to trying to work a 40 hour week. I am (again) back to trying to write daily.
R. is getting closer to graduation and the beginning of a whole new stage of her life.
D. is growing his business (The Works) and working only 20 hours a week at his "day job"
S. is still dancing almost daily, and playing in the Rep. Orchestra whenever possible. Her interest in ballet is waning, and her interest in acting and voice is waxing. She's now taller than R. and has started to share more and more of her thoughts and feelings with me, just at the age when children typically stop sharing such things. Go figure.
I'm well into the tail end of my Welsh novel, and plan to have the first messy error-riddled draft finished within the next couple of weeks, so I can start all over and make it right. And make it good.
And WALES!
I will be traveling there this summer for three weeks - for the first time in nearly 14 years. It's been far to great a hiatus, and I'm very, very excited about the trip.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Hello July
I'm expecting the unexpected, but I doubt this post will jump up and start tap-dancing while you're reading it.
Lately I've been writing. Only a few sentences, and on a good day a poem draft. But daily, for many days now. (16, but who's counting?) And I've been reading. Poetry, for the most part. But also, I'm immersed in Lindbergh. First it was Anne Morrow, with A Gift From the Sea during vacation last month. And now, I'm enjoying Forward From Here by her daughter Reeve Lindbergh. That voice is so clear to me. Direct, and honest, and humble without being self-effacing. There's something about the perspective of both women that reminds me of Madeleine L'Engle. I've probably said this before. And there's something about all three of them that will forever remind me of my maternal grandmother, who introduced me to Anne Morrow Lindbergh, with whom she'd shared French class at Smith in the twenties. Is it a humanist quality? It's something beyond just feminist, beyond just New England prose (although there's that, too). But I find it expansive, inspirational and at the same time, so very comfortable and familiar - old friends from whom I've been parted for too long.
In addition to reading more in general, I've been listening to Pema Chodron and to Diane Ackerson's One Hundred Names for Love on CD.
For a few weeks there, too, I was reading The Success Principles. It was interesting being compelled equally by the exercises suggested by Canfield for visualizing everything you want to be and do and have, and by Chodron's instruction to learn about the traps and suffering that come from beliefs and thoughts. I felt a little schizophrenic! But then the Canfield book had to go back to the library (someone else pursuing success had put a hold on it), while I own the Chodron CDs. So I've traded in much of the index-card affirmation reading and visualization of my new home, slim self, and fat bank account for almost-daily meditation.
Today I moved the location of my iMac. R. was done with her desk and I took it in order to shift my writing perspective as I've wanted to for years. I'm no longer restricted by the limitations of the immovable cantilevered desk D. had put in the office so long ago, when he realized the wide spacing of the floor joists made the floor (and any tower on it) bounce under our weight. Now computers have come a long way, I have this desk, and I can write looking out the window rather than at the wall. My back is still more or less to the door, which isn't optimal - except insofar as it meets my maternal requirements to be able to walk past the room or peek in and immediately see what my youngest might have on the screen during the (increasingly less) rare time she's allowed there. Usually it's still Club Penguin, or possibly My Little Pony. There are worse evils.
The light is about done for the day, which is always depressing on a Sunday. But this time next week, I'll have two (count 'em, two!) teenagers in the house. Yikes!
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Good Friday Eve
Yes, we're particularly busy and preoccupied this year. And maybe this just proves somehow that it's only been my pushing and prodding and bringing out the little ceramic bunny decorations half-way through Lent that has ever meant Easter was coming in our home. Or maybe it's just the the girls are older. Or that, for the first time I can remember, we have no plans - AT ALL - for Sunday.
The lack of familial pressure to prepare or go to a breakfast or lunch is a relief (if I can stop myself from feeling any filial guilt about it). But I'm saddened by the loss of celebration and ritual all the same.
We plan to have young friends staying over tomorrow and I expect to have the girls decorate eggs. Maybe that, or reading some e.e.cummings, will help.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
April and the Wood Burning Stove is Still My BFF
Um...nothing.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
I May Be Slow, But At Least I'm Expensive
Except that I remember being something very like patient when it came to petting zoos as a child. I would wait for a fawn to approach me. Pointlessly, for minutes, while my mother suggested we move on to the next thing. Or (we have video footage of this), I would follow a peacock all over, hoping it would be so kind as to drop a tail feather for me to collect.
But this wasn't patience, really. It was stubbornness. Or perhaps pride. Or some combination of the two.
You see? One character flaw masking another. Might come in handy to remember and instill on some unsuspecting fictional player in a novel.
Monday, April 02, 2012
Advancing at the Retreat
But I'm home safe, and sound, having heard a very important quote on the way back from Diane Ackerman. Michael Krasny quoted her from her NY Times column as saying, "In the end, what we pay the most attention the most defines us, and how we choose to spend our lives transforms us." To which she replied:
It does. So you need to ask yourself, "With what do you want to spend the irreplaceable hours of your life?" Because paying attention programs the brain, and makes it easier and easier and easier to slip into those little habits, those palatial ruts, that we love so much. And they can be good or bad, depending."
I somehow didn't know of this woman before tonight. How is that? I think I have a new hero.
Sunday, April 01, 2012
April Again
National Poetry month. Again. And Spring. Today, no rain.
I'm grateful for the renewal of energy that comes for me each Spring. Just when I thought the drive to accomplish anything beyond mere survival was gone for good, I have a day like this, where I am able to focus on some things that have long awaited my attention.
It felt satisfying to get a few things done: dog to dog park then to pet store for a thorough bath, pet food purchasing, squaring away travel plans, working on the Human Race campaign for S., exploring the purchase of a url for D's new business, a long run at the gym (6 miles, only .5 of which was walked), returning of video, mailing of letter, bargain grocery shopping - so important to check those expiration dates! - a little weeding, a little laundry, dishes, re-laying the butcher paper in the hallway which now constitutes our flooring, down time with the girls watching a movie, fire starting, blogging.
And I feel the day was about 5 hours too short, and that just one more weekend day at home would be lovely. Serves me right for working 4 hours yesterday.
But tomorrow promises more time to write, at least. I'll go to bed tonight thinking about my "Welsh novel" so that by the time I get to writer pal Julia's retreat in Stinson, I'll be focused and can join the group of novelists hitting the ground running, as it were. I could be working on a book of poetry too, but I think for a long period of time, the novel would be good. Although I may work on poetry here & there too.
But if I don't go to bed now, it'll mean too little sleep for the long day ahead. Forcing myself to wrap it up and call it done.
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Slow To Post
Since last I blogged, D. has recovered from pneumonia (mostly), and R. and I have spent a week looking at colleges in Northern California and Oregon. She's a great traveling companion, and apart from a stressful hour in Portland trying unsuccessfully to find the Old Spaghetti Factory in the rain, I would consider the trip a very positive experience.
The time away gave me an opportunity for a little perspective, and I'd like to think I've come back with more balance. I worked only a hair over forty hours last week, and got home with a touch of light still in the sky more than once.
The longer days are such a blessing; I dread the time change coming later this week because of how difficult it may make mornings, but I welcome the ability to come home and accomplish domestic chores before sunset - sunset, which heralds the complete waning of my energy.
There may be no activity that gives me more satisfaction after a hard day than weeding the yard.
I realize that I'll never make my house feel like a HOME until I spend more time there, getting rid of things that hold me back and building the things that help me grow. Watching an episode of Hoarders in the hotel room with R. was at once a traumatizing and inspiring experience. And yes, R., I'm scarred for life.
Often when Lent comes along, I use it as an opportunity to commit to some kind of discipline. This year, in addition to avoiding alcohol during Lent (so far, so good!), I'm writing notes toward a poem - if not the actual first draft of a poem - every day.
11 entries for the 11 days. I had to go back and fill in a couple of blanks, but I'm on track and am grateful for the magic that happens when I show up to write. I may start thinking I have nothing but mundane grocery lists or reviews of the say to scribble, but end up with a metaphor that has made a guest appearance or (in some cases) shoved its unexpected way into the poem and transformed it. I am grateful for the appearance of the poetic mindset whenever it comes.
As I have before, I wonder what it would be like to live more than a few minutes every day as a poet. The upside is that I feel I could produce truly valuable work. The downside is that I don't think I'd be very capable of meeting normal obligations, like feeding the family, for example. Thus the crazy balancing act implied by giving myself the handle "Practical Poet."
I'm trying to do both here, people. Fold the laundry and compose the sonnet. Dishes and villanelles. Driving children while scanning a line, my fingers tapping on the steering wheel to count the feet in a phrase.
And I know I can't be the only working middle-aged mom doing this. Not all poets are either drifters or doctors, after all.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Eight
Had the pleasure of meeting with the writer pals, J&S today, and although I actually got little actual writing down, I did re-read some chapters of my "Welsh novel" that I hadn't read in two years, thus reminding me of whole subplots and characters I'd forgotten about completely. It helps me settle back into it, as did watching "Framed" (the BBC film that takes place in North Wales) over the weekend.
Managed to make short trips to the gym both yesterday and today. D. is better, although not yet ready to go back to work. I'm shooting for a week of NOT working 10 hour days. Goals are so important. My goal is to do less. Ironic, isn't it?
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Seven retro
Friday, January 06, 2012
Six
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Five
Today's interesting news is that a boy that R. has liked, and maybe even more than liked, for two or three years now has mustered the gumption to broach the subject with her. It would seem that the two of them agree that they fail miserably when they try to follow the social conventions, and they are better off forging their own reality of whatever their relationship is supposed to look like. And whatever that means in the long term, for now they are together. And I have to say that I do not recall ever ever seeing R. so happy. Just friggin' beaming.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Four
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Three
Well, I must say this for the iPad. It's silent. The keyboard in the text app couldn't be any more silent than this. It's just the soft pad of my fingers touching the screen. I can't quite decide if I love or fear the little auto-corrections, too. On the one hand it can allow me to forge on past little errors. On the other hand, this makes me concerned that I might become lazy in my old age.
So this is my second blog entry created on my new toy, and my third blog entry of the year. And yet, none of them have been posted yet. There's a bit of a disconnect because I don't have 10.5 loaded on my iMac (let alone 10.6).
And yes, the office is still cluttered and unorganized, and yes, I still come home at the end of a too-long workday and indulge in too much eating and relaxing in front of a fire, and too little gym or housework or cleaning. But the one half-spoken new years resolution I am keeping is that of writing/blogging/journalist daily.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Two
Second day of the year, and although I “accomplished” less today than I had yesterday, I did still tackle the priorities: took Sophia to school, went to the gym, pruned the roses, got groceries. I don’t think it helps anything to list what I didn’t get done every day, so I’m not going to do it. Here. This is me, letting tomorrow’s worries be sufficient unto themselves.
And I wrote. Maybe not the four pages of novel I’ve been saying I must write (first a commitment to Suz and then one to S.) but I did get a couple more pages of the story down, and moved it along however little. Trying to let those characters reanimate in my mind. They have histories that help make them who they are. I think sometimes I just have to let them tell their histories so that I know what actions they’ll take in their “present,” which is the now of the story…
Tomorrow it’s back to work, and back to more of the routine that has been lacking the last two and a half weeks while D’s been sick and the girls have been out of school. S. is back. R’s not back yet. It’s a new year, with new challenges and new hope. Re-reading The Wrong Reflection has got Bradshaw’s voice influencing my own, and maybe even her characters influencing my own too. There are worse things…
Sunday, January 01, 2012
New
010112
Might as well get used to writing it now, this 2012 thing. And get used to typing on the ilPad, which I'm using for this first blog post of the year. R. Is writing her own blogs post at this moment, too. It's something she does far far more often than I do, but I still have hope that writing daily is a New Year's resolution I'll be able to keep, having done it before, and having profited from it, at least insofar as it has feed the creative part of my soul, which is usually gagged and shoved in a back broom closet to stay out of the way of More Important Things. So I write this now, knowing that I won't transfer it until tomorrow, most likely, but deeming it a compromise that is in keeping with another New Year's resolution of finding more balance in my life. And I must say, too, that the auto formatting and auto correcting that seems to come with Notes on the iPad definitely make things easier and will make them quicker too. And now on to some poetic scribbling, too, before I officially become too sleepy to do anything but curl up in front of the fireplace...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Gratitude
Oak leaves, laugh lines deepening on the faces of my friends, a body that works better than just well enough, the fire dancing in the fireplace, the finches with their laser gun conversations, November 1994 BonAppetit, Pandora riffing off of Dar Williams and Richard Shindell, the doctors and staff at UCSF, the lilt of the hills and language of Wales, Holtz's Jupiter, daughters more beautiful than any Spring I've ever seen, well-brewed coffee, the month of October, a partner who loves me, the key of D, poets who can and do, the One that made it all possible, and the ability to say "For this I give thanks."
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
One Quarter Year of Silence
But I wrote so little that it's only the weight of history and old habit - yes, I recall how to ride that bike - that tells me that I'm a writer.
It's an identity that I seem to have set down now for far longer than I'd ever expected I would, even with the new job and trying hard to stay present and available for the girls and D. Because even blogging was enough to satisfy that itch. And I haven't even done that. As is evident to anyone who might have been following this rambling record.
And it's an identity that I'm hungry to pick up again. I was going to start the day of my birthday (45 this year, since you asked). And when that day came and went, I thought of September first. Then October (blessed month during which I always write) began, and the writing didn't.
But I took a day off work today and I've had time with myself, and now I feel I can pick up the pen again. So to speak. I feel a little more in control of my life. Sorting through belongings can do that for you.
Here's a mildly humorous story. I had been very careful not to tell the girls that I'd be taking the day off because in the past, when they've known I would be home on a given day, invariably, one of them had taken ill and needed to come home early. And even a house with a child sleeping in a bed in a room behind a closed door is not the same as a house entirely to oneself. And yet, ironically, in spite of my careful stealth, R. called me shortly before noon to say she was feeling ill. She didn't want me to pick her up only because she hated to call me from work. And I couldn't lie and say I was at work - I just couldn't. So I got her. (I did take about 10 seconds to scream my frustration on my way north on the country road half-hour drive to get her. I don't think anyone else heard. And I actually don't care if they did) And then selfishly ran errands with her completely passed out in the car. She even slept through a trip to the recycle center. And if you can sleep through bobcats backing up around you and hundreds of bottles crashing into metal boxes of thousands more (broken) bottles, you're legitimately sick.
So the girls have visited the chiropractor, S. is rehearsing for Nutcracker for an hour, and I'm once again in the blessed sanctuary belonging to Peet, patron Saint of Caffeine-Fueled Writers. And all is right (enough) with the world. And what isn't right now, will be. Eventually. Even if it's geologically speaking.
There's a comfort in the shifting of continents, in theory. The shrug of the earth, settling like a great heavy beast into a more comfortable position. True, in practice, living in Northern California, it's a bit disconcerting. But what I'm trying to say is that forces greater than you or I are not bothered by whether the laundry is folded. And who's to say they're wrong?
Thursday, June 02, 2011
May? What May?
June, and rain. D says (pot. kettle) "Don't stay up too late," but then again, I'm slowly carefully re-engaging with my gmail inbox on a daily basis again, and posting here just because I can.
But oh! the rain!
I'll never get my garden in.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Caught up!
Saturday night we went to our friends' house for a Sharks game party. Such fun! I can see why those I know who love the game love the game...
Monday, April 25, 2011
Get up. Work. Go home. Repeat with Variations
R. has driven me twice now. Once to the local baseball field with S. & Tango in the backseat, and once to the gym. She's doing well, with only a few jerky starts & stops, and beginner's mistakes. I'm not sure how I'm doing...
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter miracles
Saturday, April 23, 2011
5 years
In all of my dreams about my mom since her death - really, every one, as far as I can recall - she is traveling. Usually overseas. Often in Italy.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Good Friday
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Payback. Yikes
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
20 years and hoping for 20 more...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
16.5 hour workday - wheee!
but after working two shifts - 6am-4:30pm and 7pm -12:30am, no wonder I didn't blog. I was trying to get caught up before taking the day off, and I was on a roll!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Whew. Can today be over now?
On the one hand, each day is precious and a gift and I feel life should be lived to the fullest and I have so very many things I want and need to accomplish today.
On the other hand, I had a hard time communicating all day long, and I have been feeling deflated since 5pm and all I want to do is crawl into bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Maybe I need to be more attentive about taking my vitamins every day...
Happy Passover!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday retro
The downside, for me, of having a 3-day weekend is that a I invariably want a 4-day weekend.
Somehow, I'm better with only 1 or 2 days off. But I am looking forward to Easter weekend. Just because.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Snow White And Selected Works
S. dances as a Celtic Maiden in one piece set to Irish music, which has a lot of attitude (we're talking leg positions, not the other kind). Then she's a demon in Snow White, working for the Queen. Very slinky and creepy and fun, she says.
But before that, she's at preparatory orchestra and sectional rehearsal.
I'll pick up R., who has been camped out at a friends house for days, and we'll go home, change, and head on over to the theater. This year we'll miss Petaluma's annual Butter & Egg Days Parade for the first time in many years, but I'm sure it'll be there for us next year.
I'm currently at Peet's, enjoying what is probably the highlight of my weeks: time alone with coffee (still decaf for Lent!) and my laptop, where catching up with non-work related computer tasks - email and the like - and writing (!) are made possible. Such a blessing.
Finished reading Pegasus by Robin McKinley yesterday. CURSE YOU, ROBIN MCKINLEY!
I had forgotten that it's a two-book story. I was in such denial that even two pages from the ending, I was happily thinking that soon everything was going to get resolved. Not. This, I now understand, is one of the great and terrible dangers of reading using your daughter's Nook. Even with little numbers on the screen to say how many pages you've read out of how many pages exist, you aren't holding the bulk of the book on the left with only the cover and a few slips of paper on the right to tell you there's no possible way the story can be resolved before the book ends. Serves me right for not supporting the author by buying her work in paper form.
Now I have to wait until next year to find out what happens to Sylvi and Ebon. Bah.
On a related note, here's a fantastic quote on writing from a Nanowrimo pep talk Robin McKinley sent last year:
Writing can be the worst, and often is—but it can also be the best. May you come out of that month knowing what you want to do next, and eager to keep going. Try to remember the peregrine days on the days that your husband/wife/roommate/dog needs steel wool to get you off the floor. And keep writing: the only way you can learn how your stories work is by letting them tell you. By putting live words together.
She inspires me. So do Laurie R. King, Gillian Bradshaw, Rhys Bowen, and Kate and Julie and Suzanne and Clare. If I remember that, and read not only what they write but also what they write about writing, it'll stand me in good stead.
Friday, April 15, 2011
A room full of no's
I could take this to mean they dislike my leadership and would rather have a cat's-away day. Or I could take it to mean they support me in having a day off to relax for a change. I choose the latter.
However, I realize that I carry work and other worries around me almost all the time. So I will need to learn to set things like that down more quickly and easily. And the way I operate, I will have to not worry about worrying to much. Jeez. And how old am I, and I'm still working on that one?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Ack! I'm melting...
I really feel for all the world like my energy is being leached into the earth.
Low blood sugar? Dehydration? Stress? Or just coming down from the (off-the-wagon-confession alert) 2 cups of real coffee I had today.
Whatever it is, I can hardly keep my eyes open, and eating & drinking & going for a walk - not in that order - has not helped. Maybe I just need more sleep. Hmmm.
Will try to take tomorrow off work. In theory, I'm really doing it. In practice, it will be challenging.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Rite

R's just gone through a little modern rite of passage: she's passed the driver's permit test.
As she pointed out, I seem to think it's a bigger deal than she does.
Before the test, R. seemed so young. The DMV clerk sounded a little skeptical when asking for her age. But as R. stood in line to have the test graded, she looked so grown up, with her short spikey hair and modern-cut glasses, her brown leather jacket brightened by the colorful scarf she wove at school last semester.
I'm stealing a shot of hers to show the scarf. Without the leather jacket, hair & glasses like they were, you don't get the full effect. But I love that scarf. And the kid's not bad either...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ganging agley
Makes me think of Burns.
I'm writing this Thursday, but am pretending it's Tuesday. Who's fooled, and who's the fool?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Walking the Talk
So I will stay off the caffeinated coffee until Easter,
I will post this entry as part of my daily writing exercise,
I will go to the gym now, at 8:35 at night, for my 20 minute workout.
Where there were shoulds, let there be wills.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Belated Birthday Shout-outs

March 31st: D's sister and my biological father. (Um. Not the same person.) It always makes me smile that my first (birth) name was the same as that of my sister-in-law, who shares a birthday with my birth father.
April 8th: Two important friends: B., whom has the audacity to be living and playing all the way on the other side of the map lo, these last several years; and E., who has returned to southern California to start a whole new chapter in her life.
Four significant people in my life, and only one of whom I was able to (or managed to) wish happy birthday on said person's actual birthday.
And I don't think any of them are reading this blog! But I'm putting well wishes in writing and out into cyberspace anyway. As my beloved maternal grandmother always said - a phrase I have since made my own - "And many happy returns of the day!!"
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Catch up - already!
I managed to get a chunk of yard work done today, although it barely put a dent it the weeds. R. asked me, "Why do you like to weed so much?"
"Really?" I replied. I mean, who doesn't like to weed? What's not to like? But I guess she was serious, and just as there are people who like to iron (I'm thinking of you, Kate) when I can't fathom ever liking to iron, apparently there are people who don't like to weed.
D. painted a wall in the livingroom he's been meaning to paint. We're working on the long checklist of things to do to get the house in order. It's a great feeling, working together toward a common overarching goal.
Fell asleep while the family watched Tales from Earthsea. I remember those LeGuin books being so very important to me around 8th or 9th grade. I loved them. But now, I can't remember the plot, the characters, the setting.... Maybe this is because I did not re-read them. But it was interesting to note that things that one can love can be forgotten so thoroughly.
Also, not knowing how closely or remotely the film followed the book means I don't have a way of knowing whether my inability to recognize the story was due to creative license or to early Alzheimer's.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Friday Retro
Yesterday's writing was only what was done at work, so the creativity was within the scope of business. Which is not to say it didn't engage some of the same parts of my brain as novel or poetry composition does.
Had a traditional Friday family movie night (we rented Tangled). And unlike many Friday movie nights, I stayed awake for the whole film before the inevitable snooze on the couch.
The rain that had been forecasted was mis-forecasted, thank goodness. I'll have a dry(er) garden to tackle this weekend. Looking forward to getting something significant done!
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Friday Eve
Going to bed "early" so I can get up early and do the things that I just can't face tonight, but which must be done before I leave the house again. Still won't get 8 hours of sleep, but it'll be nearly that. Hooray!
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Is it Gratitude if there are qualifications?
There were even many little blessings: laughing with D. at the end of a long unload of our respective challenges, hearing about S. choreographing with her friends (to Laura Veirs' Wide-Eyed, Legless, nonetheless!), seeing R's cute super-short hair cut, and knowing that as frustrated about school as she may be (and oh, how she hates emails home from teachers with their concerns!), she is not giving up and not backing down.
But still, this is a day I'm happy to put to bed!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Tuesday Bricks and Birds

Left home at 7am, got home at 9pm. A long day, and not without its challenges. But I'm home, and there's that "Big Horizontal" piece of furniture that I love so dearly around this time of day. I love you, bed.
But it's telling (to me, anyway) that my first thought upon coming home, besides, "I'm done," is "I have to write."
So even though my daily creative writing snippets are no more than a few lines, and these blog entries are hardly more than that, I feel like I'm building brick-by-brick - okay, actually pebble-by-pebble. And you have to start a foundation somewhere.
Or, as Anne Lamott would say, "Bird by Bird."
Monday, April 04, 2011
Whirlwind year
I suppose, as they say, even good changes can lead to stress. But so far, even though my head is spinning, I'm kind of enjoying the dizzy feeling that comes with it.
Hang on - wheeeee..!
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Sunday driving
Today it was like this: get up, take the dog to the dog park, then me to the gym, a haircut, the grocery store, Peet's, home to pick up R. and D., R. to riding, D. and I up north for a drive. Then home briefly again, started a water change for the 400-gallon tank, off to get R. from riding, drop her off at home, down to work for an hour or so, home. Dishes still undone, writing put off to the end of the day.
However, the resolve for changes brought on by the good weather and April, is still there. Thus the writing, the gym, and a stick to healthy eating for today. I know all these will be a one-day-at-a-time thing. So, for today: check! done.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Q1
Eventually, I may be able to stop counting months on my fingers to reckon when one Quarter ends and one begins. But for now I have to subtly move my fingers as though I were playing scales on an invisible piano while I think January, February, March. April, May June. It's the little tick I've been known to have when calculating how much sleep I'll get if I go to bed right now. D. has teased me about it for years. Fingers are handy, this way.
It is April. The rain has stopped, at least for now, and all the green blooming lift of Spring is evident everywhere: bursting up from the cracks between paving stones, and topping the trees along the streets in clouds of white and pink, and completely taking over our back yard. I can't fathom how much weeding and garden preparation lies ahead of me. And coming home when it's nearly dark during the week doesn't help. The few times I've arrived at the house when it was still light out, and not raining, I've grabbed the dog to take him to the dog park or have launched into dinner preparation.
So I've got this new lifestyle in mind: writing daily, getting the family to sit down to a healthy dinner before 7pm, regular visits to the gym, gardening. And I've decided the best strategy for make this lifestyle possible boils down to regimentation. Regimentation and revised priorities. Okay, so the two strategies for making this lifestyle possible are regimentation and revised priorities. And accountability. Three! The three strategies...well, at any rate, those are among the elements that I believe will make the difference between meeting my goals and just talking about my goals.
Friday, April 01, 2011
April Again
Okay, so no one said this would be easy, in spite of the ease with which I'd envisioned it: just start writing. Daily. As a practice.
In order to reach the goal of being a published professional writer (be it poet or novelist). Make writing part of each day. The start of the day, even. Something that happens from five to six before it's time to awaken the family and start that headlong hurl into the next fifteen hours.
But last night was a hard night, with nightmares and midnight anxieties. One of the dark times of the soul, for the few hours that it lasted. And so rising at five seemed, if not impossible, than at least very difficult.
So I told myself I would write tonight. And this, at least, I've done.
