Shelter-in-Place Day 33

I realize now that even though initially it was called a "shelter-in-place" order, "stay-at-home" is more commonly the phrase used. But at 33 days in, I don't think I'll change my post titles.

We interrupt our usual rambling to present instead a series of images. Yesterday I ran around to all the flowering plants in the front and back yard to take pictures. This is the result, neither cropped nor filtered:

 

 

 

  

  

  

Shelter-in-Place Day 32

To whom am I writing these posts, if no one is reading them? Perhaps to my future self, and that's all. Or to my children, should they stumble across this blog, which I occasionally think needs to be downloaded, post by post, and backed up. You know, for when the internet fails us.

These days, we are probably all more aware than usual that nothing is a "given."

Did people on the fringes of the Great Depression realize what was happening when it was happening, realize the impact? Or was it only the investors who took their own lives, or the farmers ruined by the coincidental Dust Bowl or people in the heart of who it understood the immensity of it?

I do not have young children. Nor do my young adult children yet have children. We still have three incomes in this house. I think this puts me in a special bubble that prevents true panic or existential dread from seeping in. Really, it's those factors (plus our current health, and the good weather) that enable me to keep my equanimity. As much as I'd like to give credit to Tara Brach's wonderful Radical Acceptance audiobook and Oprah & Deepak's 21 day meditation practice and my actually getting dressed, exercising, and writing every day.

I only start to panic when I think how fortunate I am, and whether that means my turn is coming and a horrible downfall is inevitable. Except, why not enjoy the calm before the storm, and then recognize the storm as part of the process too? That is Brach talking, I'm sure. Along with the three ounces of Two-Buck Chuck I've had so far tonight.

Shelter-in-Place Day 31

Good news first: my nephew's surgery went well and he is in recovery. They did not need to remove any organs except his appendix, fortunately. The doctor was surprised that there wasn't more infection. I am going to (not coincidentally) take this opportunity to thank those friends who did everything from pray to "remote healing" for him. Not only could that not have hurt, I personally think it helped. (Sorry, my atheist or sceptic friends. But there it is.)

I braved Costco just as it opened this morning; it wasn't too bad, really - just a little surreal, as it was last time, with everyone wearing their masks out front. The new normal.

I also worked out, planted yet more seedlings in the yard, and submitted poems before dark this time.  There are now seven places in our front and back yard where I have planted broccoli seedlings. As a sort of experiment to see what works. 

Also, I have been actually making dinner for my family. Meat and rice, usually. And meanwhile, I fix myself whatever vegetarian thing. And sometimes, S. makes her keto meal. So it's not as though we all sit down at the table together to a five-course meal and pheasant under glass. But meat is, sometimes, back on the menu these days for D. Steak (defrosted, having lived in our freezer for a period of time I shall not disclose) and fresh Costco ribs, tonight. 

 

Shelter-in-Place Day 30

Today I am distracted by concern about my nephew, who is facing an appendectomy with complications due to infections. I want to just stop everything and pray and send good thoughts his way and envision everything going well. But I don't seem capable of doing so for long, so I seem to just pop in and out of that mode while I do everything else today. It's like a tape playing at low volume in the background. May he be well...may his body respond to the antibiotics...may his condition improve...may the surgery go smoothly....

And again, I realize that this is just a taste of what millions of people all over the world are going through, have been going through, with loved ones who have been more directly affected by SARS-CoV-2. I feel huge respect and gratitude for the people who are working the front lines - all those medical workers, first responders, grocery store clerks, and other essential workers. May they be well...Yes. The tape is looping.

Shelter-in-Place Day 29

I was in the driveway today speaking to a friend on the phone - because that's the only place that has reliable cell reception at our house - and she wondered out loud how many days we'd been at this, and I was able to give her an accurate answer because of this blog. We both thought that it felt more like six weeks than four.

On a different note, I think it's worth recording that so far, friends or family members have told me that they believe one or more of the following:

• that the virus was released from a biological weapons lab by accident
• that the virus was released from a biological weapons lab on purpose
• that organized crime was behind it & their intent is to make more room on earth (think Ebenezer Scrooge's "decrease the surplus population) 
• that the media is making this into a much bigger deal than it is
• that more people died from the flu in 2018 & 2019 than covid19 will kill
• that the hospitals are blaming covid19 for all deaths to get more funding
• that the damage to the economy is the real danger here
• that fear of death from covid19 ups one's chances of dying from the it
• that this is a way for the uber-wealthy to control California real estate 

Those are the ones that come to mind as most striking. These postulations have told me more about the belief systems of the people providing them than they have about the pandemic. Perhaps some facts will come to light at a later time which will change what we think is happening right now. My feeling is that whatever did or did not cause this, for whatever innocent or nefarious purpose, it's here. I do not believe that it is fictional, or that it is not serious, or that it is the least of our worries. I do believe that the world, and how most of us operate in it, will never be the same. 

Shelter-in-Place Day 28

Honestly, if I didn't have the previous post titles as a reference, I would not be able to keep track of how long this stay-at-home order has lasted. The days do blur a bit, although events like zoom sessions with poets help tack dates into place.

Today felt like a real break from (non) routine because I took the car to the dealership for a recall issue and tune-up, and spent nearly three hours killing time not at home. I waited - first alone at an outside table at a nearby sandwich shop, where I finished reading the excellent Weather by Jenny Offill, and then in a corner near the empty salesroom at the dealership, where they had a cluster of chairs and no one in them but me. I listened to the Commonplace podcast with Gabrielle Calvocoressi and knitted, thankful that my earbuds mostly drowned out the sales pitches being made over the phone in a cubicle ten feet away, which were often followed by self-congratulatory re-plays of the previous transactions between salesmen. Before that, I had taken S. to work before dawn, worked out to an excellent FB routine a fellow beekeeper leads, and taken D. to work. After that, I washed the dog, weeded, gardened, picked D. up from work, and tended to my writing duties.

The other day, I cleaned out the little storage shed that had held the huge pump system for our 450-gallon living room fish take. Now it houses my beekeeping equipment. I also tore out and re-spackled part of the the outside wall below our shower where the paint was pulling up from moisture. And I have put some of the vegetable seedlings into containers outside. Fingers crossed they continue to grow so we'll have broccoli and snow peas and arugula.

Shelter-in-Place Day 27

I had my first pandemic dream early this morning; it was vivid and more involved (as my dreams usually are), but the part that had to do with the pandemic was this: I was shopping at a mall somewhere in some dream-version of southern Marin, and the mall was packed with people, busily jostling one another - none of whom was wearing a mask. I was shocked. I told a couple of people that in Sonoma County, just the next county north in other words, everyone was wearing masks when out shopping.  I was then mercilessly teased for overreacting and buying into the "hype" and "story." "Covid19 is not even real," they told me. "It's a scam." "It's not!" I insisted. More mocking ensued, including people reaching out to touch me and even blow their breath on me just to get a reaction. Not fun.

Then today, from the county and reiterated by the city:

Order of the Health Officer: Facial Coverings

All persons shall wear facial coverings before they enter any indoor facility besides their residence, any enclosed open space, or while outdoors when the person is unable to maintain a six-foot distance from another person at all times. This Order shall become effective at 12:01 a.m. on Friday, April 17, 2020.

I wonder about my dog walks. I don't usually wear facial covering because I can maintain at least a six-foot distance from other people. But then again, I don't want to stress anyone. I have a friend with serious respiratory issues who was angry about other people not wearing PPE in public, especially because they may be asymptomatic and represent a danger to her health, even if she's very well protected. What strange times. And is this still only the beginning stages of a totally different world? We will certainly never be quite the same. Hokkaido reports a second wave of coronavirus infections. There are warnings that the meat supply in the U.S. is dangerously low. WHO declares the virus 10 times more deadly than "the 2009 flu." And the White House is talking about wanting to re-open the country.

Shetler-in-Place Day 26 Easter

It's flying chocolate bell day, Zombie Jesus day, the day our Lord and Savior rose from the dead. It's the day your grandmother gives you a stuffed rabbit.

Really, though, it's a day when there are millions of people worrying about, and being separated from, other millions of people whom they love. It's sobering. Which is probably why I opened this entry with silliness. I often resort to flippancy in the face of dire circumstances. It's a coping mechanism that I'm sure many people in my life, especially those more seriously-minded, find irritating. This is not to say that I am not capable of being serious.

There certainly was a time when I loved this holiday because it represented hope and the resurrection of Jesus, which I considered symbolic of the resurrection of all of the things that return in the Spring. Now, because I am (as I say) "between religions," I no longer blast Keith Green's "He is Risen!" in the house on Easter.

Instead, this morning, while S. and N. and A. dyed eggs - including 2 raw "surprise" eggs - we sang along to the mix I'd created for our New England trip in 2018, which never did get air time and contains everything from "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" from Veggie Tales to Lorde and Fall Out Boy to songs from Wicked.  Then we had Welsh cakes into which I had forgotten to add sugar. They were still eaten, but it really wasn't the same. Obviously, singing while baking has its downfalls.

But again. What a first-world-non-covid19 problem. It. Doesn't. Matter.

What does matter is that we're not out of the woods yet. I send out love to the people suffering right now, which includes my half-sister, recovering from open heart surgery, and my nephew, suffering appendicitis. I do tonglen. I try to keep myself and my family healthy - and, actually, omitting the sugar from the Welsh cakes probably helped in that regard. I exercise. I'm growing vegetables and am grateful for every egg the hens give us, and take solace from my hives, and actually enjoy hearing from friends and family. Today was the first day I realized that I do, indeed, miss seeing the people I used to see on a regular basis. I'm still relishing and taking advantage of time at home. But it will be good, at some point, to spend time in person (not just zoom) with others outside of my family again.

Shelter-in-Place Day 25

It is very late. Four of us have just finished a two hour game of Cards Against Humanity. There was much laughter, as one might expect.

It's not such a bad thing if your kids and their significant others are willing to let you play such a silly, irreverent, and potentially offensive game with them. It might have helped that there was a little alcohol and sugar involved. Maybe it's an Easter morning warm up. Although they drank more than I did, and may be more blurry in the morning than I'll be. Just as well, because I'll be the one making breakfast and, probably, hiding the small bit of "essential" candy I bought at Safeway.

D. and I are about to treat ourselves to an almost-midnight showing of MST3000. We'll see how long into it I last, but I just feel loathe to put the day to bed.

Tomorrow, I can recap what else I did today. For now, a little more hilarity before midnight....

Shelter-in-Place Day 24

It was an unusual day, today - remarkably without form. I slept in extremely late. In fact, I cannot remember having slept that late - after noon! any time in the last several years. And because it's  Good Friday. I fasted until sundown. But in spite of thinking this would be some kind of focus for me, I spent far less time meditating or praying or thinking good thoughts for the world than I thought I would. And the empty stomach may have contributed to a sense of spaciness I felt.

However, I did little things: walked the dog, watered plants, did laundry. I also figured out how to play old super 8 and camcorder tapes and VHS tapes so S. and I could spend a few hours with N. and A. watching old home movies, primarily of the kids as kids. It was not what I'd planned to do with the day, exactly, but it was worth it.

I also ventured to Safeway for the first time in weeks to get Easter candy and bacon - essentials, right? It was sobering to see how compulsively the cashier scoured her workstation between each customer and how she kept everyone in line, separated fully and behind the plastic barrier. I think she was especially neurotic about it all, but it could just be that I haven't been out since the face mask recommendations really went into effect. I wore the N95 I have from the fires and used wipes and washed my hands the second I got home. Still, I'm glad I won't need to do shopping again until a week from now (when I can afford another Costco trip, and when we'll be out of almost all our essentials).

The weather is changing and I expect to get more gardening done tomorrow - especially if I don't sleep half the day away!

Shelter-in-Place Day 23

I may have spoiled my ability to update this blog sans stress.

I can usually ease any pressure I might feel by remembering that these little entries are virtually reader-less. But today I told my poetry friends that I have been writing, and now I must at least assume that they may, indeed, glance at it if I actually send them the link.

So in case my future self has done so, I'd like to say "hello" to those friends who have visited.

Hello.

And I also have to say that one of my favorite verb tenses is the future perfect. I will have written this. You may have read it. We would have [conditional] both read it by the time you reach here.

Here.

There's an idea, at any rate. How many of us live focusing only on the future perfect, rather than the existing within the muddle that is the present progressive? As in "I am trying to live a more perfect present so that I will not have had regrets about the past in the future."

Moira, sleeping (she had slept for an hour or so by the time I took this. She will sleep more tomorrow, until she will have slept most of the week away):

Darcy, sleeping (see above regarding weekly quantity of sleep):

Shelter-in-Place Day 22

Here's what the Johns Hopkins map of America looks like right now:

Over 1,500,000 cases. 314 dead in California.

And yet, the irises are about to bloom, and my vegetable starts are sprouting. The pair of crows to whom I feed walnuts, who had been absent for a day or two, are back. The three people who live here are still working and/or being paid. N. and A., while not working, are at least dividing time between here and Sebastopol, and are not flying back to New Jersey, as they had previously planned. It's a new hot spot, and I'm grateful that they're here, and safe.

Broadway is closed until June.
Bernie Sanders has dropped out of the Presidential race.

I continue to send poems out to journals at a rate of one per day this month. It's a little like playing the lottery or planning a trip, where the anticipation of the results is at least half the fun.

Shelter-in-Place Day 21

We're coming up on a month of social distancing.

It's so strange how even days that feel long are zipping by and turning into weeks. I am also surprisingly not getting as much "accomplished" as I thought I would in terms of going through old papers, photos, ephemera, etc.

However, I am researching and submitting to literary journals every day, and am writing - even something as simple as this counts, I tell myself - daily. I am walking. I am cleaning, tending the garden and keeping up on housework, etc.

After my "I haven't napped yet during this pandemic" statement, I did nap for about an hour today. But I also walked for over an hour and later submitted to not one but two journals.

The weather is better, and looks to improve even more by end of week. Pollen going into both hives. So even though I can see now that the large hive is battling deformed wing virus - but their varroa mite load still seems low, based on the monitor board - they must have brood. This is beekeeper talk that basically translates into background free-floating fretting mixed (as always) with faith that things will work out with the bees as it should. This colony continues to demonstrate a genetic predisposition for hygienic behavior that will serve it well right now. So there's that. 

Shelter-in-Place Day 20

This is what the animals do mid-morning. Also late morning, early afternoon, evening, and whenever it suits them. I don't think I've taken a single nap during this shelter-in-place. But I live vicariously.

And Mr. Dary, mid-yawn. Because napping wore him out, apparently.

Most of today was spent composing poems, and tonight a zoom critique group. In between, a dog walk and in the evening, a short but very intense lightning storm with hail. The chickens like to eat the hail. 

Tomorrow, the National Guard will arrive to help at the Food Bank in Santa Rosa, and the County Health Officer anticipates cases of the coronavirus to reach an apex in June. Tonight, the Library Commission met regarding pay and closure. I'll have to check the recording tomorrow, because the timing conflicted with my poetry group. Whenever we do return to work, things will be very different.

Shelter-in-Place Day 19

Today, I fasted until dinner - something I've never done before but tried as a re-set after two days of almost criminal overeating. I also, once the rain stopped, went on a four-mile walk, gardened, and finally emptied the box I've hauled around for 30+ years that contains ephemera from a 3-month Eurail/Youth Hostel trip which I've been meaning to put in a scrapbook "some day."

I did not complete that project. But I did run across some interesting items, and perhaps by this time tomorrow, I'll be able to provide photographic evidence of what this odd hoarding has accomplished.

I've kept up with my daily poetry writing/blogging/submitting for April. There was a typo and a missing page break I caught after submitting pieces, so it tells me to slow down and double-check. But it feels good to know that I now have a total of 25 poems pending responses from 6 places.

California and Sonoma County now recommend masks for people who are out in public. There are many people, friends included, making their own. I have a couple of older N-95 masks that I will use when I eventually go shopping for food again, unless I use a bandana or the like instead in order to avoid criticism because N-95 masks should go to medical professionals for their PPE. However, the ones I have are old. However, who would know that?

It's amazing how quickly what would have been something out of a dystopian novel becomes "normal."

Sonoma County's caseload is now at 111.

D. told me people are finding creative ways to cope with being home-bound. Lots of music, lots of baking. And apparently, one man counted how many smiley faces he could draw with a standard ballpoint pen before it ran out of ink (29,249).

Is putting 1989 museum tickets and travel brochures in a scrapbook just as worthless a use of time?

Shelter-in-Place Day 18

It rained today, and I spent most of the day at the computer, reading poetry, listening to poetry podcasts, watching poets interview one another, knitting, and feeding the fire in our wood burning stove.

I also spent some time trying to watch the presidential corona virus briefing. But it kept stalling out, so I only heard snippets. Enough to know that the next two weeks will be rough, especially for some hot spots. And that the POTUS is capable of contradicting himself, even about vitally important matters, within the space of a single sentence. And that the U.S. has been accused of diverting shipments of medical supplies. 

As I wrote this, I wonder whether a day will come when the world will be in such dire straits that international cooperation in coordinating relief efforts will override the base human impulse for preservation of self and tribe. In other words, what would it take for us to work together as a social animal that is able to put the species and its survival as a whole ahead of individual needs? I wonder what E.O. Wilson has to say about SARS-CoV-2. 

As of right now, the Johns Hopkins worldwide numbers are 1.2 million confirmed cases, 64,753 deaths and 246,886 recovered.  For California, the numbers are 13,723 confirmed cases and 317 deaths. That figure comes from the efforts of the New York Times to track cases at a state and county-wide level. When you see that fewer than 21 out of 100,000 people in Sonoma County are affected, and .2 out of 100,000 people in Sonoma County have died from this disease, it would be tempting to think of it as "just another flu" about which officials are making a huge fuss. But in New York, the deaths at this point number 22 out of every 100,000 people, and they're having to create more makeshift morgues. That's the way this would go everywhere - or worse - if we weren't sheltering in place.

I'm hoping to avoid any trips to the stores or anywhere, apart from driving S. to work and picking her up, for the next couple of weeks. 

Shelter-in-Place Day 17

I spent a good part of today trying to clean up the dumping ground that was the area just outside our back window, along the house in the back yard. We'd gone through the rice straw bale we use as bedding for the chickens, as well as the pressed wood logs we use for the fireplace when we don't have enough of the hard oak cut. So a trip to Rivertown for both things was my essential outing for the day (as well as a walk with the dog).

I also managed to check both bee hives, briefly, and replace a splitting super for the Mountain colony, which appears to be doing beautifully. The Shakespeare hive is still huge and still busy, but I'm concerned by the large number of bees they're pulling out each morning, dead, and by the even larger number of bees I see walking on the ground near the hive. I can't see that they have deformed wings or mites, so maybe pesticide, or something else? Some do seem to fly after walking around quite a bit. The colony has always had a strong hygienic habits, so I suppose it could be something else going on with the newest bees. Just not sure.

After the hive inspections, determined to find a better way to store the rice straw bale than up against the house for mice to tunnel under, I thought of setting it up on top of something. A simple enough idea, but to make it work and clean up all the unnecessary clutter took hours, for some reason. I moved make-shift nesting boxes created with old dresser drawers, but now abandoned by the hens. I moved buckets of sand and BBQ briquettes and wood that still needs to be split and dilapidated seed starting trays, and it only now occurs to me as I write this that only the nesting boxes were my idea. The rest was, as it were, imposed on me by the erstwhile projects of other family members. If that sounded bitter, it was only a tiny bit so. There are moments, especially during this shelter-in-place, when I feel as though I do nothing but clean up after everyone else. Which is ridiculous to admit because meanwhile, people are dying and losing their jobs, and my family members do help me, sometimes, and oh, yeah, again: people are dying.

The number of diagnosed cases world-wide, or at least admitted (because who knows how many really died in China), has exceeded one million. And Dr. Anthony Fauci has had to have increased personal security because of death threats from conspiracy theorists. I think Fauci (head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases) knows his stuff and has helped save countless lives with his ability to stand firm and tell the truth while the person next to him at the podium vacillates between one ego-driven declaration and another. [Insert deep breath here, to avoid expressing my real - heated - opinion of said person.]

The day ended with D. and I watching an episode of MST3000 together, although I fell asleep before it finished, having had too much red wine and too much sugar during a zoom celebration of a friend's birthday. Is seeing the faces of my girlfriends on a screen instead of around a table in person the new normal? Some think so.

Shelter-in-Place Day 16

I'm copying text that I'd put in my poetry blog here. The post was entitled "Well, That Was Quick":

As if to reward me for focusing on my work, [insert name of divine being, fate, luck, synchronicity, etc.] has provided me with a less-than-24 hour turnaround for acceptance of a poem I sent out last night. I am so very grateful, especially because the journal is beautiful and I'm honored to be part of it. More to come on that later. 

In other, less ego-centric news, there was a zoom Litquake reading tonight that would have been in Grace Cathedral had circumstances allowed it. The event was hosted by Rebecca Foust, and featured I got to see and hear Kazim Ali, Tongo Eisen-Martin, and Jane Hirshfield. I felt like I'd gone on a three-stage journey by the time the reading had finished, and that the scenery and local food and language differed, but they all carried me along my way, and I was grateful to have traveled. 

Otherwise, today was spent running errands and working on bee equipment and trying to find the next place to submit poems. It's a sign of the times that when I went to Beekind for lemon grass oil and Bee Quick, they were allowing only one customer in the store at a time, masked, and that they had hand-sanitizer to use before you entered, and you weren't to touch anything but what you bought. At Costco, there was a forty minute wait to get into the store. But the shelves were well-stocked in terms of what I needed, with the exception of eggs, toilet paper and flour. I bought equipment from John at Buzz Off Honey as well. There, the shopping experience was as it normally is.

I am finding that writing poems every day, submitting poems every day, doing Whole Life Challenge and managing two blogs is keeping me busy - especially if I put off much of it until the end of the day. Tomorrow, if the weather is good, I'll add a hive inspection to that list.

Shelter-in-Place Day 15

It is April, and therefore National Poetry Month. Here's a random photo of late February daffodils to liven up this post.

Today also marks the 30 year anniversary of my husband asking me to marry him. Yes, April Fool's Day. If this has been a long-running prank, I admire his ability to stretch out a joke.

Today a neighbor and I walked to a friend's house to sit socially distant from one another in her garden and catch up. This is after I had a zoom session with poetry friends. So many interpersonal interactions in one day!

Also, I gardened (weeded) and read and wrote. I'm focusing more on poetry this month: trying to write a poem a day and submit to a publication every day. We shall see how that plays out...

Shelter-in-Place Day 14

Today I took another long walk, trying to enjoy the natural world as I know a lot of people are now. I also did a little bit more yard work, and a little bit more housework. It's the birthday of my birth father, my husband's sister, and a friend from the library. But the big news that marks the day is that the county has decided to extend the shelter-in-place order for another four weeks, until May 3rd.

No. C19-05
Extending The Shelter In Place Order No. C19-03 Beyond April 7, 2020 To May 3, 2020.
DATE OF ORDER: MARCH 31, 2020
Read Health Order Appendix – Social Distancing Protocol »Frequently Asked Questions »Detailed Summary of Changes – New Shelter Order issued on March 31, 2020 (PDF) »Please read this Order carefully.  Violation of or failure to comply with this Order is a misdemeanor punishable by fine, imprisonment, or both.  (California Health and Safety Code § 120275, et seq.; Cal. Penal Code §§ 69, 148(a)(1).)UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND SAFETY CODE SECTIONS 101040, 101085, AND 120175, THE HEALTH OFFICER OF THE COUNTY OF SONOMA (“HEALTH OFFICER”) ORDERS:
1. This Order shall become effective at 12:01 a.m. on April 1, 2020 and will continue to be in effect until 11:59 p.m. on May 3, 2020, or until it is extended, rescinded, superseded, or amended in writing by the Health Officer or the State Health Officer.

etc.

It spells out the details of essential businesses, and I hope it cuts down on the number of bored people shopping for flowers to plant. The hardware store where S. works is considered essential, but under item 13, which defines "essential," there are caveats about cosmetic versus safety purposes:

1. Hardware stores;

1. Plumbers, electricians, exterminators, and other service providers who provide services that are necessary to maintaining the habitability, sanitation, and operation of residences and Essential Businesses, but not for cosmetic or other purposes;

1. Arborists, landscapers, gardeners, and similar service professionals, but only to the limited extent necessary to maintain the habitability, sanitation, operation of businesses or residences, or the safety of residents, employees, or the public (such as fire safety or tree trimming to prevent a dangerous condition), and not for cosmetic or other purposes (such as upkeep)

This means another month at home. I hope to use it well.