Accomplishment

I would never make the grade in Mr. Darcy's eyes when it comes to being an accomplished woman.

As a reminder, Miss Bingley defines the accomplished gal this way: 

A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, all the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.

And then we have: 

“All this she must possess,” added Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

Okay, so I read in general. And today I read a little Spanish (boning up before a bilingual test on the 28th) and some Albert Schweitzer biography. And I also accomplished (here used as a verb rather than adjective) the following: slept late to fight off feeling under the weather, got up and fed the chickens and dog, cleaned the kitchen, accompanied D.  to Walnut Creek to visit his declining father (with a side trip to pick up pizza for everyone after we'd arrived), drove the hour plus back, went to OSH to get jars for the next harvest of honey, went to the gym to work out, took the dog to the pet store to give him a bath, ate a healthy dinner, started a more formal will (with software and book from the library, due back soon and because lord knows the old one is out-dated), replied to a few emails, washed laundry, took out the trash, pulled some weeds, and then generally fretted about how little I did today and how the day felt wasted. This is probably some kind of worked-Saturday-cum-Sunday-night-blues.

Okay, so I didn't do any of the many things that are continuing to press down on me. But heck, now that I think of it, this isn't bad. And I should be kinder to myself. Besides, Darcy's taken anyway.

It's Official

I now hold an Masters in Poetry from Pacific University's MFA program.

This is a post I started in January, when that was fresh news, and that sentence was all I have to say.

More importantly, since then, I quit the job I'd held for 19 years and now work for the local county library system, at the central city branch. A simple shift, but a huge one with significant repercussions.

Like so many other changes over the last two or three years - publishing a chapbook, keeping chickens then bees, getting a cat then an MFA - this career shift has enriched my life and has awoken a part of me that had been dormant for so long, one couldn't even call it hibernation. Bears wake up sooner, is all I'm saying. Rather, think about some seed (like a nelumbonaceae) that lies encased in itself for years while conditions are too poor to allow for survival, let alone growth.

As wikipedia tells me, "True dormancy or innate dormancy is caused by conditions within the seed that prevent germination under normally ideal conditions." And the nelumbonaceae family (also known as sacred lotus) is subject to what's called "physical dormancy" where the seed doesn't germinate because it is requires an external force to break through its impermeable coat. "In natural systems, physical dormancy is broken by several factors including high temperatures, fluctuating temperatures, fire, freezing/thawing, drying or passage through the digestive tracts of animals."

So maybe I just had to go through the belly of the beast and some freezing and fire before I could reach this place. This thought may prove helpful in my efforts to move forward without spending much time kicking myself for not having done so sooner. I didn't, perhaps because I couldn't have. And at any rate, I can't change the past. I can only move bravely into the future with (ever increasing) energy and a positive attitude and focus.

Happy New Year

As a friend said, "Happy New Year!" is something people used to say as just a ritual. This year, they're saying it as a desperate plea.

But I am happy, and I thought it important to start 2017 saying so.

West Sonoma Book Faire

Looking forward to being at the Poets' Table tomorrow!

Well, that happened...

Or rather, that didn't happen. I did not blog daily for even a full month!

But I am back, taking things one day at a time.

I'm participating in the 8-week Whole Life Challenge, as I have mentioned here before, and each week in addition to nutrition and fitness challenges, the challenge of sleeping enough and drinking sufficient water and recording daily reflections there, there are lifestyle challenges.

Next week the lifestyle challenge will involve recording at least three things, daily, for which I am grateful. Good or "awesome" things in my life. I hope this will help me change gears a little, as in the last few days as I've become increasingly ramped up about work stress, I've been focusing more on negative things than is healthy.

The nutritional level of challenge I'm doing requires:
* no dairy
* no sugars
* no alcohol
* no grains (including rice)
* no legumes (including peanuts)
* no oils except olive and sunflower
* no soy
* no artificial preservatives, etc.

So primarily I've been eating just healthy, whole, organic foods.
I've lost a few pounds and (I think) a few inches in the last 3 weeks. 5 weeks to go, and then I hope to continue this healthy pattern, with some modifications so I can live less extremely.

I tell you what, though. Tonight I wish I could have had a glass of wine.

Ah well, the urge will pass.

Today's Post Yesterday

Because yes, gentle reader, I am posting this in actuality only one day after the fact.

Went on a wonderful walk in the evening while S. had Chamber Orchestra rehearsal. Saw a beautiful hawk, egret, horses, cows.

The timing for the hawk - which flew right in front of me, a snake dangling from its talons - could not be better. I am currently listening to the magnificent H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. It's a fabulous book, and makes me wish all over again that I could be a falconer, even while it makes me grieve my parents (mom, dad and birth mom) and yearn to be a writer half as good as Macdonald is. 

Here are a couple of pictures from the walk:

I will post a video next - but not now, as I must go to bed!

Sunday Study

Spent most of the day working on school work, apart from yard work, an inspection of the Margo hive, and taking S. to youth orchestra rehearsal. Also a dog walk in there, somewhere. The Whole Life Challenge has paid off in the dropping of a few pounds so far. I have many more to go, but am trying to cut myself some slack and remember that these things are not instantaneous.

Stuffed Saturday

....being a retro-post of the various activities in which I participated Saturday the 24th of September.

Work: 6-2
Home, pick up child
Take child to bass lesson
Home from bass lesson
Trip to gym
Make dinner for family
Go to Sebastopol for Word Temple
Home again
Read for homework
Bed!

What a fascinating life I lead. As my former co-worker would tease about any old boring, mundane activity in which he was participating; "Don't be jealous."

Weekend Squeeze: Start!

I am determined to squeeze as much weekend into my weekend as I can, and over the years I've learned that means starting Friday night.

Of course, having to work early on a Saturday limits how late one can stay up Friday night....and working a very long week (too many 9-10 hour days!) means early bed seems the best way to start a weekend after all.

More Runaround

Left work early for errand-running, including picking up S. from the 11th grade camping trip: ropes course, wall-climbing, star-gazing. In the Waldorf high school system, each year focuses on an element: 9th=earth, 10th=water, 11th=air, 12th=fire. The week long "Adventure Learning" trips focus on these elements. There are pedagogical reasons for this which, were I not feeling so tired and defeated as I post this (five days after the fact),  I would take the time to explain.

Cooling Trend

Fortunately, the scorching hot weather has subsided and there's a cool, almost cold, breeze that's started up in its place.

I have never paid so much attention to weather before, but now that I am keeping bees, it matters to me whether it's too hot, too cold, too windy, too dry. I hope for a little rain for a small second Autumn "flow," because it would give the bees a little more boost. But this new practice, like so much else that seems to come with my current age and stage of life, requires patience.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Backward. Oh, and that Other Step Backward Too

Drat! Just as there was some hope of improving our finances for a couple of weeks, an unexpected debt (not even directly ours, more's the bother!) has surfaced for us to address immediately. So all sorts of little necessary things, like a running truck and optimized mill, and fully-paid bills, are again deferred. Patience is a virtue thrust upon us, sometimes.

And yet, I felt surprisingly equanimous about it all. I can't credit wisdom or maturity as much as I can say that I'm conserving my energy for future, more deserving angst, should it arrive.

A walk around the pond with D. helped as well, of course.

And I am confident that any difficulties are temporary. As are any blessings. Perhaps I am becoming more Zen. Could meditating 10 minutes a day and sleeping more than 7 hours a night really help that much?

Here's Moira the cat, exuding calm. If I've already posted this picture on this blog, I've forgotten. So perhaps my two readers have too!

Dear Muse

Dear Muse,
I think you whispered something to me the other night as I was drifting off to sleep, and I half-thought, "I should write this down so I don't forget it" before I fell under a blanket of dreams again. The worlds I've inhabited in dreams! The crazy plots, the cast of characters, the visions and the soundtracks! But whatever those few words were you put in my head, they're far too far downstream for me to find, now. Lost somewhere in an ocean to vast for me to traverse in my narrow little boat.

No time for a Second Wind

I feel I could easily stay up two more hours, but my alarm will go off before 5am and the Whole Life Challenge compels me to sleep more than 7 hours a night; thus the sporadic blogging before hitting the hay...!

Sun-day

We're experiencing a heat wave - even hotter than the usual Indian Summer this year. I think the wax in the hives might even be softening. But what a lovely smell!

The heat won't last forever. In the meantime, it's all about watering (even though we're in a drought) and staying as cool as possible.

The weekend was too short, and next weekend may feel even shorter, judging by my schedule. But S. made it safely back from an overnight camping trip for a friend's 16th birthday just in time for orchestra rehearsal, and will embark on another adventure come Monday.  She just has to finish packing!

Last Retro Before We're in Present Tense

It's taken me a few minutes, in between chatting with D. and making "paleo" muffins (eggs, almond flour, coconut oil, banana, vanilla, cinnamon), to catch up in my "daily" blog.

Today was the first day of the 8-week nutrition/lifestyle challenge I'm doing. I'm so excited about being healthier and better grounded and rested. The first week there's a focus on daily meditation. It's interesting that I do better with a challenge or a dare - or someone else's expectations - in order to do something that is so helpful to me. But I know this about myself, and now try to use it to my advantage.

After a trip to the chiropractor this morning with S., I went to a 3-hour beekeeper/hive dive get together. We inspected five hives up on the mountain. It was a beautiful day and very educational. I came back and checked my own hives. I still have to make notes about what I saw, but in general, the Margo hive from April is thriving and full of nectar, capped honey and still more brood, so the population will expand again before winter - while the Anna hive has no capped honey, only some nectar, spotty cells of bee bread in the bottom super, and a bunch of brood in the top box. I spotted the queen again. Actually, honestly, it looked like a different queen, so perhaps they re-queened and I missed it?  That might explain the small size of the hive. I am not sure they'll make it until January ("over-winter" is the phrase a beekeeper would use), but I am determined to avoid intervention, hard as that might be.

On another note entirely, I am looking forward to tomorrow's Petaluma Poetry Walk. A weekend of bees and poetry. Hooray!

Happy Birthday, Beloved

Today was D's birthday. We've been together for 32 of his birthdays thus far, and it's difficult to say that one is more or less exciting than another, because (allegedly) he just doesn't care about celebrating them. However, I made sure that he found flowers in his office in the morning - on the floor, which startled him, although he understood, correctly, that it was likely my neurotic concern about earthquakes that prevented me from balancing a vase with water on the desk near his computers. And we ended the evening with a sushi dinner. He worked hard on a job with a tight deadline all day, so not much celebrating in between. Here's a pic from May of the man himself giving meal worms to the hens. The smallest chicken is his, whom he had sarcastically named "Darth Maul" and whom we call "Molly"

Filling up the Day

On the one hand, I'm not spending my day discovering the cure for cancer or saving souls. Directly. Although there may be something to be said for avoiding being the idle hands that are the devil's workshop (Proverbs 16:27, in case you wondered), because I'm sure not sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating bonbons. Although here is an image of bonbons for you. Yum.

After working an extra-long (10+ hr) day, I dashed up to Sebastopol to pick up S. from an appointment. Then we stopped for dinner, then home. I am sure I had intended to write and blog. Instead, I read more of The Death of Mary Russell and fell asleep. It really doesn't require a glass of wine for me to be out like a light after 9:30pm or so most nights. I am so very diurnal.

Priorities

I had been telling myself that these daily small blog posts are musical scales or pliés at the bar.

Then Rebecca Solnit writes this great piece on Lithub, in which she says (among 9 other other helpful tips):

1) Write. There is no substitute. Write what you most passionately want to write, not blogs, posts, tweets or all the disposable bubblewrap in which modern life is cushioned. But start small: write a good sentence, then a good paragraph, and don’t be dreaming about writing the great American novel or what you’ll wear at the awards ceremony because that’s not what writing’s about or how you get there from here. The road is made entirely out of words. Write a lot. Maybe at the outset you’ll be like a toddler—the terrible twos are partly about being frustrated because you’re smarter than your motor skills or your mouth, you want to color the picture, ask for the toy, and you’re bumbling, incoherent and no one gets it, but it’s not only time that gets the kid onward to more sophistication and skill, it’s effort and practice. Write bad stuff because the road to good writing is made out of words and not all of them are well-arranged words.

Ah well. Yes, but. Because learning to hear and express my own voice, and to document the slivers of my daily life, are important to me as part of the larger picture. It helps me with the other, more important, less ephemeral work.

This may be the "bad stuff" I'm writing on the road to something better - the toddler talk. But if my blog is my sandbox, who cares? The two or three folks who might read it are obviously already kind, tolerant and gracious folks, or they would be reading something more substantial anyway. So thank you, gracious reader(s), for your indulgence in my warm-up exercises.

Rewiring

I have now blogged more this year than I did in 2014 and 2015 combined, and when I find myself sinking into the why-bother/I-can't pit, I simply tell myself that's not true. I can, and I will, and the reason I bother is that this is really what I want to be doing. I enjoy writing, and I enjoy having written. I want it to practice a habit that deepens and continues, and I know that without writing daily, I cannot expect to grow as a writer.

This is just one way of reminding myself of that.

On a less philosophical note, the IT band/quad tear and psoas muscle strain I did to myself - trying, of all things, to competitively show D. that I, too could - or should be able to - kick myself in the butt, literally, as he is capable of doing! ...that set of stupidly hubristic self-inflicted injuries is well on the mend, just in time for the Whole Life Challenge that starts Saturday.