In the moment

I've been trying to listen to my very busy mind this evening. It never shuts up. And there's a background anxiety about "ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO" which explains why I feel compelled to fall asleep at 8pm instead of doing "ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO."

Hmm. What is this "have to?" At first, I wrote here "Half of those things I don't really have to do, and most of them (all of them?) I have put upon myself. So silly."

But really, nearly all of those things I don't have to do, and all of them, I have either put on myself or allowed upon myself.

So I am trying to focus on just what is immediately in front of me, the task at hand, whatever it is. For some people - some of you reading these words, probably - this is old hat. Me, I still don't have it down.

But then do I add to my List of things I have to do "Let go of the things you have to do."? You see what I mean. My mind just goes blahblahblahblah all the livelong day.

I am letting go of anything but the task at hand as best I can until it is time to pick up the next thing. I am Martha trying to become Mary. But still, "try" is the wrong verb.

"But the Lord answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.'"
(Luke 10:41-42, New American Standard version.)

What is the one needful thing? Everything, I think. Or Nothing. Or, really, just Now.